


I put the radio on and it's always playing our song

by thegirl20



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-05-14 21:29:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19281541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegirl20/pseuds/thegirl20
Summary: Charity and Vanessa chat about their future.





	1. Chapter 1

They've managed to grab a rare lunchtime together, just the two of them. Everyone's at school or nursery or work or propping up the bar annoying Chas. Vanessa's putting the finishing touches to the sandwiches she's making and she glances over to see if Charity's finished chopping the cucumber she asked her to. Charity's back is to her, but she can see there's no chopping going on. In fact, it looks like Charity's just stood there, looking out of the window.

"Charity?"

Charity, clearly in a dream world, physically jumps and then lets out a yelp. She drops the knife she was holding and turns around, cradling her right hand and glaring at Vanessa. "What did you go and do that for? Frightening the life out of folk." She holds up her index finger, it's bleeding. "I nearly chopped my flamin' finger off."

"I'm so sorry!" The sandwich preparation forgotten, Vanessa moves into physician mode. She quickly washes her hands at the sink and grabs a clean tea-towel from the drawer. She takes hold of Charity's hand and presses the towel against it, applying pressure. "Right, come and sit down so I can have a proper look." She shakes her head. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"It wasn't your fault," Charity says, rolling her eyes as they both sit down at the table. "All you did was say my name. I was miles away."

Vanessa nods. She takes the towel away, turning Charity's injured finger over so she can assess the wound. The bleeding's stopped. "Well, you didn't nearly chop it off."

"Says you," Charity hisses as Vanessa gently probes the edges of the wound. "Ow!"

"It's not deep enough to need stitches," Vanessa smiles, pushing herself up and heading over to the cupboard where the first aid kit is kept. "I'll clean it and stick a plaster on it, you'll be good as new."

"Hmmm." She turns to see Charity inspecting her finger. "You know, I'm wondering if I should get a second opinion."

"Eh?" Vanessa scowls, sitting back down and rummaging through the kit. "Are you doubting my medical skills?"

"Well, see, I can't help but think of that time that you had a great gaping hole in your side, and told me you were fine." Charity tilts her head in challenge as Vanessa lifts her hand again. "And then I found out that you were pretty far from fine." She leans closer. "So forgive me for being cautious, babe."

Narrowing her eyes at Charity briefly, Vanessa returns to the task of patching her up. "That was a completely different situation. I'd never tell you you were fine if you weren't. Ever. I'd never put you at risk like that."

"Oh, but it's fine for you to sit there, bleeding internally and painting on a smile, is it?" Charity asks, only flinching a little when Vanessa cleans around the wound with an antiseptic wipe.

"That was hardly what happened." Vanessa blows softly on Charity's finger to dry it. "I just-"

"You just better not do it ever again," Charity says. Vanessa looks up to see if she's playing around, but the expression she's wearing reminds Vanessa of that day in the hospital; Charity making her promise never to put her through anything like that again.

"I won't. I promised, didn't I?" Vanessa holds up two plasters. "Normal or Paw Patrol?"

The corners of Charity's lips quirk and she shakes her head. "Normal. Them Paw Patrol ones fall off too easy. Last time I had one of them on it ended up stuck to Jimmy's pint glass." She lifts an eyebrow. "He took it as an invitation to start a conversation with me about the bloomin' programme. Rocky's his favourite, by the way."

Laughing, Vanessa applies the plaster and then lifts Charity's hand to her mouth, pressing a gentle kiss to the wounded area. She keeps hold of her hand, wrapping it in both of her own. "So. What were you thinking about, then?"

"Eh?" Charity's forehead wrinkles. "When?"

"When you were supposed to be chopping cucumber and ended up grievously wounded instead." She smiles. "You said you were miles away. What were you thinking about?"

Charity sighs, her eyes dropping to their hands. Vanessa waits, knowing that if Charity wants to tell her, she'll tell her. She squeezes her hand, scratching her thumbnail over Charity's knuckle and smiles when she looks up. When she gets an eyeroll in return, she knows Charity's decided to speak. Her thumb comes to rub against Vanessa's engagement ring. She does that when she's feeling vulnerable, Vanessa's noticed. Like she's reassuring herself that it's all real.

With another sigh, Charity shrugs. "Well, I've just been-" She pauses and looks back down. "With all this wedding malarkey going on, I was wondering...what are you planning to do with Johnny?"

That wasn't at all what she was expecting. She pretends to consider the question for a moment. "I thought I'd stick him on ebay. See if we can't get some money for him to help out with paying for the dresses."

Charity looks up again, eyes narrowed, but shoulders looser than they were a second ago. "Proper comedian, aren't you?"

Shrugging, Vanessa shakes her head. "Well, what do you mean, ' _what am I planning to do with him_ '?" She laughs. "What kind of question is that?"

"I mean his name, Vanessa," Charity says, suddenly serious. "Is he-" She lifts her eyes to the ceiling. "Is he still going to be a Woodfield, is what I'm asking."

"Oh." Vanessa's known all along what she wanted to happen with Johnny's name. With everything else that's been going on, they've just never got round to discussing it. "I'd assumed he'd be a Dingle, same as me." Her stomach goes cold."Is...is that not what you-"

"No, that's fine." Charity's shaking her head, a smile finally breaking through. "That's...that's  _brilliant_ , actually."

"Yeah?" Vanessa asks, not really needing the reassurance, now that she's seen Charity's reaction. But wanting it all the same.

"Course, babe." Charity gives a decisive nod. "Johnny Dingle."

As ever, a ripple of excitement goes through Vanessa as she's reminded she's going to be Charity's wife. That they're going to be a family. But when Charity's brows draw together again, she knows this isn't all of it.

"Okay, I'm glad that's settled." She jiggles Charity's hand, waiting for her to meet her eyes. "But that's not what you've been thinking about, is it?"

Once again, Charity's shoulders lift and drop in a heavy sigh. She looks up, eyes both frightened and determined. "Look, how long are we going to keep tiptoeing around this?"

"Tiptoeing around what?" Vanessa asks, baffled now. "I wasn't aware there was any tiptoeing going on, if I'm honest."

"Well, we're-" She swallows, and keeps going. "-you know, gonna spend the rest of our lives together. Me and you."

"Yeah." Vanessa grins, even though she's still fairly confused. "That's definitely part of the plan."

"And...and that means that...I'm...well, I'm gonna be around Johnny for the rest of my life too, doesn't it?"

Oh.  _That's_ where it's going. Vanessa's heart starts beating faster and her fingers tighten around Charity's. "Yeah. I suppose it does mean that."

"So, I was thinking that, since-" She licks her lips and presses them together, eyes flicking to Vanessa's and then away again. "Since he doesn't really have a dad, not one that's any use at least...I was wondering if...since we'll be married anyway...and, he'll be here. And I'll be here. I thought, maybe-"

"Charity," Vanessa cuts off her nervous babbling before it escalates. "Are you asking if you can adopt Johnny?"

"Not  _asking._ " Charity shrugs. "Just...you know, putting it out there. As a suggestion. Maybe. You know, for you to think about and that. It's your decision to make, not mine."

Vanessa feels like her chest is turning to liquid, filling up and moving up her throat. When she first got together with Charity, she never imagined she'd be sitting in the backroom of The Woolpack with Charity nervously asking to become her son's other parent. She could never have predicted that would be something she would even consider, never mind want with every fibre of her being.

When Kirin left, she was so angry that he could just walk away and leave Johnny with barely a thought for what that would mean for him. That he'd grow up without a dad, without two parents who loved him and made him feel safe. She could never  _imagine_ making that choice. Leaving her child.

And here's Charity, who's had children ripped away from her in the most awful circumstances. Who, for most of her life, has thought herself a terrible mother. Who's held herself back from really loving anyone because she thought she was bad at it. And now she's offering to be there for Johnny. To be his mum.

"Ness?"

She meets Charity's worried eyes and realises that she's been quiet for far too long after such a big subject was broached. She swallows and coughs, trying to clear away the emotion that's jamming her throat up, but it's no use and tears spill down her cheeks. She shakes her head when Charity's eyes widen in concern, and lifts Charity's hand to her mouth, pressing her lips to her knuckles and holding it there. Charity's other hand comes up and brushes over her cheek.

"You're getting snot on my hand, babe." Charity whispers, causing Vanessa to snort and sob and laugh all at once. Charity's relieved laughter twists into her own. "So, is that a yes? Or an 'I'll think about it', at least?"

"I don't need to think about it," Vanessa manages to say, shaking her head. "I'd love for you to adopt him. I love that you love him enough to want to." Fresh tears burn at the back of her eyes and she wipes at her cheeks, uselessly. "I love  _you_."

Charity's eyes are wet and she blinks too fast, smiling. "I love you too.  _And_  Johnny." She shrugs, leaning closer to Vanessa, thumb playing with her ring again. "And I know I'm not exactly the best mum in the world, so maybe I'm not doing him any favours but-"

"Hey," Vanessa scolds, shaking her head. "None of that. You play with him, and tell him stories, and tuck him in at night, and kiss his skinned knees better. You're  _here_ for him and he knows that." She shrugs. "I can't think of a better parent for my boy."

Letting out a shaky breath, Charity reaches into her pocket and brings out her phone. "I, uh, did a bit of googling earlier in the week. Just in case you said yes." She holds out the phone, displaying a government website that details the adoption process for a stepchild. Vanessa takes it and skims over the text. Charity shifts closer, looking over her shoulder. "He's got to have been living with us both for six months, so that's fine. And since his dad buggered off after killing someone, I don't think we'll have any bother showing that he's not exactly a fit parent."

Vanessa nods, flicking to the next page. Something that's been at the back of her head for a while nudges its way to the front as she reads over the conditions. Putting the phone on the table, she smiles when she sees Charity's hopeful face. She takes her hand again, holding tightly.

"D'you think, maybe, Noah would like for me to adopt him?" She hurries on before Charity can draw breath. "I know I can't do it for Moses, but I want you to know that wouldn't ever make me think of him any differently, yeah? I already think of both of them as mine."

Charity tilts her head, worry melting into a frown. "Do you?"

"Yeah," Vanessa nods, her cheeks growing warm. "They feel like mine. We're a family, aren't we?" She shrugs. "And they're our boys."

Nodding, Charity leans in and kisses her on the lips, pulling away just enough to whisper ' _our boys_ ' against them before moving in for another one. When she sits back down in her seat, Vanessa's grin is huge. It fades slightly when she notes that concern has crept back onto Charity's brow.

"What?"

"Hmmm?" Charity looks up and shakes her head. "No, it's nothing. It's just-" She sighs. "Noah's been through a lot because of me, yeah? And he's been hurt before. So I'm just not sure if he'd...if this is something he'd want." She holds up her hands. "And it's not because of you, babe, I promise. It's  _me_ and my track record that's to blame. So I just...I don't want you getting upset if he says no, okay?"

Vanessa laughs softly, running her fingers over Charity's hands when she places them on the table between them. "Charity. I'm thrilled at how far we've come since he first found out about us. He  _talks_ to me now. He refers to me as his stepmum to other folk." She sighs, giving Charity a little smile. "And I know it's a totally different situation from Johnny. Noah's a teenager. He's done his growing without any need for me and that's up to him if he wants to keep it that way." She leans in, lowering her voice. "I won't be upset. I promise."

"We'll talk to him, then. Get the ball rolling." Charity smiles, turning her hand over so that Vanessa can tangle their fingers together. She lets out a relieved laugh. "Wow. I didn't know how that would go. I didn't know if...well, if you'd want me to be Johnny's other mum."

"Why wouldn't I?" Vanessa asks. "You're going to be my wife, Charity. You're already a huge part of Johnny's life. Why wouldn't I want to make that official an'all?"

"Dunno." Charity shrugs. "Just because I'm me, I s'pose."

"Hey." Vanessa waits until she has Charity's full attention. "I've been around you a while now. And I've seen firsthand how much you love each and every one of your kids. And how hard you try." She smiles. "Like I said, I can't imagine anyone who'd be a better mum to Johnny."

"Well,  _you_ , for starters," Charity says, with a smirk.

"No. We're not in competition. We're a team." Vanessa grins.

"Team Dingle, eh?" Charity says, lifting her eyebrows. "Actually, now I come to think of it, we've got more than enough for a five-aside team. Maybe we should enter that competition? Give Bear's cubs a run for their money?"

"You're kidding, aren't you?" Vanessa groans. "With the pain I was in after that little kick about in the car park? No chance."

"Hmmm, yeah." Charity wrinkles her nose and holds up her wounded finger. "And I'm now also carrying an injury. Yeah, maybe we should sit this one out. Enter next year when we're all match fit."

Vanessa rolls her eyes. "It's barely bigger than a paper cut."

Charity huffs. "Keep that up, lady, and you'll be off the team." Her eyes dip to below Vanessa's neck. "And what a shame it would be not to see them knockers in a tight footie strip."

Shaking her head, Vanessa stands up, looking down at Charity. "I think that was almost a compliment."

"More like tactics, babe. The other teams would be so distracted by your baps that they'd barely be able to play." She hooks her fingers through Vanessa's belt loops, tugging her closer. "We'd be a shoo-in to win."

"Next year, then," Vanessa says. "When we're all Dingles, yeah?"

"Sounds like a plan." Charity wraps her arms around Vanessa's waist, chin planted on her belly as she grins up at her. "Bagsy number sixty-nine for the back of my strip."

Vanessa laughs, raking her hand through Charity's hair. "Of course you do. And what number will I be?"

"Whatever number you want." Charity's smile becomes softer, less lecherous. "You're always number one with me."

Vanessa leans down and kisses her, her heart full of love for this woman and their family.

_Their boys._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short follow-up conversation with Noah.

Despite the fact Vanessa had said she wouldn't be upset if Noah said no to this adoption stuff, Charity knows she will be on some level. Charity's been rejected by her kids enough to know that it flaming well hurts. But, while she silently hopes Noah will say yes, she's not going to force him. It has to be his choice. She's made him do enough stuff just to suit her. This is his decision.

So she sits quietly while Vanessa explains that Charity is going to adopt Johnny. She doesn't miss the surprise on his face. She knows she'll see it on other people's when word gets out.  _Charity Dingle? Willingly take on someone else's kid? You're having a laugh, aren't you?_ Not that she can blame them, really. She's not exactly renowned for her mothering instincts.

"And so, when we were discussing the stuff about Johnny-" Vanessa bites her lip and then offers him a tentative smile. "I asked your mum if she thought you might...like it if I adopted you."

Deep lines form between his eyebrows. "Me?" He clearly had not been expecting this.

Vanessa nods. "Yeah. Only if you want me to." She presses her lips together, flicking her eyes to Charity. "I mean, we're going to be married, me and your mum, so we're all going to be family soon. And I can't adopt Moses, because he's already got two parents. But I  _can_  adopt you. And I'd love to, if that's what you want."

"I'm fifteen." He shrugs. "I'n't that too old to get adopted?"

She knows what he means. At fifteen, Charity had already seen far too much of the world. She'd been hurt and hardened by the worst of people. Thank God he hasn't had that kind of experience. But still, he's seen enough to understand more than he should. She tries to picture herself in his shoes, at fifteen, sat across from someone asking to adopt her. Someone offering to be there for her and keep her safe. Back then, she'd have suspected it came with a price. It probably would have, knowing her luck. But here and now, if she was Noah, she'd grab this offer with both hands. Vanessa's kind and strong and funny and reliable and he knows that because he's seen it in action. His history might tell him to be wary, but his present  _should_ reassure him enough to know there's no hidden agenda here. Vanessa doesn't do ulterior motives. She couldn't if she tried; she's a bloody useless liar.

"Wouldn't it just make things more complicated?" Noah asks, and Charity's thrilled that he hasn't just dismissed the whole idea straight away.

"How d'you mean, love?" Vanessa prompts. "Complicated?"

He plays with his cuff, pulling at a loose thread, and shrugs. "Well, if you and mum split up, I mean." Charity's stomach dips at the mere suggestion, but she stays quiet and lets him speak. "It'd be more awkward if you'd adopted me, wouldn't it?"

"Well, for starters, I'm not planning on splitting up with your mum any time soon." He goes to interrupt, but she preempts him. "And yes, I know you've probably heard that before, so what I was going to follow it up with is that it wouldn't make any difference." She smiles. "Just because parents split up, they don't stop being parents."

His frown deepens. "Jai did. Michael did."

"Vanessa's not Jai. Or Michael." Charity says, unable to help herself. She said she'd stay out of it, it's between the two of them. But she won't have Vanessa compared to any of her past relationships. Noah looks over at her and she holds his gaze steadily, repeating the words she told him more than a year ago. "Vanessa's different."

Surely he must be able to see that for himself by now? He doesn't say anything in response, but at least he doesn't dispute it. Vanessa flashes her a brilliant smile before she shifts her attention back to Noah.

"Anyway, loads of parents are still parents even though they're apart." Vanessa points a thumb over her shoulder. "Your mum and Ross aren't together, but they're still both Moses' parents, aren't they?"

He shrugs. "They were never together."

"Well, then! That proves my point, doesn't it?" She puts a hand on his arm. "Even if you don't want me to adopt you, Noah, I can still be your parent. And even if me and your mum, God forbid, do split up...that wouldn't change, okay? Piece of paper or not. In this hypothetical break-up situation, that I really don't like discussing, I'd still want to see you and be in your life. Both you and Moses."

Charity's heart lifts up into her throat. Even though she feels the same way about Johnny, it's amazing to hear Vanessa say those words.

"Then why do we need a bit of paper, then? If it doesn't change anything?" He's wavering, Charity can see it. She recognises herself in him. She sees the hope in his eyes, dimmed by all the times it's been dashed, but still there. He  _wants_ Vanessa to want him. But he needs proof. Just like Charity did. Just like she sometimes still does.

"We don't." Vanessa shakes her head. "The paper just makes certain things a bit easier, that's all. I'd be legally responsible for you, along with your mum."

"And God knows, I could do with the help," Charity puts in, winking when he looks over at her.

"I would be able to make decisions, if need be, without your mum being there." Something tightens in Charity's chest at that. At the thought of letting someone else have another one of her kids. "Just like your mum will with Johnny." And it loosens again. Because Vanessa's not taking anything away from her; they're becoming a family.

He shifts in his chair, shoving his hands under his thighs, biting his lip and looking down. Vanessa glances over at her and smiles hopefully. She tries to return it, but her emotions are too close to the surface, so she makes do with reaching over and running her hand down Vanessa's back. The touch settles her nerves a little and she hopes it does the same for Vanessa.

Vanessa nudges Noah's knee. "Hey. Listen, this was just an idea, okay? I won't be offended if you don't want to do it." She dips her head, trying to catch his eye. "I don't need to adopt you to teach you to drive. Or come to your parents' evenings. Or buy you junk food to cheer you up when someone breaks your heart."

He looks up, and Charity detects a hint of a smile playing at his lips. "Oh, so  _that's_ what I need to do to get a McDonalds out of you?"

Vanessa laughs. A big, proper laugh. Noah's smile grows and Charity feels her own turn up in response. Still laughing, Vanessa nods. "Oh, I'm sure we can negotiate a bit on the junk food front." She rolls her eyes. "You're a growing lad. Bit of grease every now and then won't kill you."

"Ace!" He grins, but it slowly fades. "Can...can I think about it a bit? The adoption thing?"

"Oh my God, of course you can!" Vanessa covers her mouth, eyes wide. "Oh, Noah, I didn't mean to make it sound like we needed an answer tonight."

"Take all the time you need, babe," Charity says, but she can't help tightening the grip she has on the back of Vanessa's shirt. "We're going nowhere. And like Ness said, we don't need the bit of paper to be a family, yeah?"

He nods, but quickly remembers he's a teenager and rolls his eyes. "Yeah, whatever." He pushes his chair back and stands, looking down at Vanessa. "I'll think about it, then."

"That means a lot to me, that you'd even do that," Vanessa tells him, and the rough edge to her voice makes Charity's eyes burn. Noah nods and heads for the door. Vanessa reaches back and grasps for Charity's hand, squeezing it to the point where Charity's sure she hears her bones pop. She squeezes back, just as hard. She knows Vanessa is doing the same as her; waiting for Noah to leave the room before showing exactly how thrilled she is with how the conversation went. But rather than open the door, he pauses and turns back to look at them, his face serious.

"You know what would help me think?" he asks, before breaking out into a grin. "A cheeseburger."

"You cheeky sod," Charity chides, but Vanessa's laughing again, and wiping at her eyes.

"Oh, go on then. Get your shoes on and we'll nip over to McDonalds, eh?"

"I totally didn't think that would work. I'll be back in a sec," he says, before making a quick exit, thumping up the stairs to get his trainers.

Charity leans forward, dropping her chin onto Vanessa's shoulder and speaking into her ear. "You're a soft touch, babe. You know that, yeah?"

Vanessa twists in her chair and throws her arms around Charity's neck. "He's thinking about it," she mumbles into her shoulder. "He's actually thinking about it."

Closing her eyes, Charity holds Vanessa as close as she can, in the odd position they've found themselves in. "Yeah, seems like it."

Vanessa lifts her head and meets Charity's eyes. She lets out a shaky laugh and sniffs. "Even if he says no, he's...he wants us to be a family, doesn't he? I mean, I still wasn't really sure until just now." She grins. "But he's okay with it."

"Yeah, he is." She feels lighter. Perhaps she'd felt the same; unsure how Noah really felt about the situation. While nothing would stop her from marrying Vanessa, it's a relief to know that her kids approve. She's made so many terrible decisions over the course of her life, but finally she's made the right one. She presses her lips to Vanessa's.

"Ugh." They part to see Noah in the doorway, his nose wrinkled. "Look, if you're gonna be snogging all the way there, then I think I deserve chips too."

Vanessa narrows her eyes at him, but when she turns to Charity, they're sparkling with mischief. Vanessa leans in and plants another kiss on her lips, pulling back with an exaggerated smack. She smiles at Noah. "There. You can get a milkshake an'all."


End file.
